I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
