if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
