i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
