ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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