the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
