Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
