Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This house was built for laser tag.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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