you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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