You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
