the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
