I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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