He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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