I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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