It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
