I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You're earring is so big in my mouth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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