dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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