A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He passed out mid-signature
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
