i don't like sucking hair
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
