Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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