bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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