Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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