and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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