just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize