why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so let's talk penis.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
