why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I looked at my own cervix.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
