I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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