Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
