i'm lost and i look like a hooker
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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