:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
