i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
