I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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