Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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