oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
