Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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