11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
