clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize