This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
