sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize