i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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