I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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