My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
