i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
