You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
