when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
