a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize