I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
