there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
