her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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