You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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