i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
