so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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