party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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