Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
