I'm jealous of your bromance
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
