Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
