I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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