he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
