How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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