I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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