so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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