Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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