You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
