i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
