I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
