Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
