i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
