literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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