thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
