It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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