So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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