I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
