So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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