she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize