Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
