Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Are my feet made of real feet?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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