I have demons in me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
