we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
