I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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