used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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