Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
